


A Moment of Self-Definition

by C-chan (1001paperboxes)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Non-Binary Yuri Plisetsky, Yuri Plisetsky Swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 03:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13138167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1001paperboxes/pseuds/C-chan
Summary: In which Yuri Plisetsky is compared to a cat (again), is made to apologise (again), and ends up sharing some information about self-definition (which is surprisingly new).





	A Moment of Self-Definition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lumelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/gifts).



> счастливого Рождества  
> メリー・クリスマス  
> hyvää joulua  
> Merry Christmas
> 
> I hope you find this enjoyable! <3

There was something off about Yuri Plisetsky.

Maybe he was usually tense and stand-offish by nature, but today he seemed wound like a top, or as if coursing with an electric current. Yuuri had bumped shoulders with him on their way into the changeroom, and Yuri had practically hissed and yowled like an angry cat. 

(The true story of what happened involved a lot more yelling and swearing, but it still seemed like an apt metaphor, and much more comfortable to relate than trying to remember the exact string of unwarranted curses spat in Katsuki Yuuri's general direction.)

Obviously, something was wrong.

Yuuri wasn't quite sure what, though. After all, the young Russian skater was at the absolute top of his game. He'd landed on the podium at every competition he'd entered in the past season, and won gold as often as not. His grandfather had even managed to come see Yuri win silver at his first senior Worlds in Helsinki. (Victor had managed the miraculous comeback that everyone expected he'd make and won gold, of course. Yuuri had fallen to fourth, but the disappointment was less harsh than he'd thought it would be, at least.)

Now, they were transitioning back into the off-season. Usually that meant a mellowing out for Yuuri as he settled back into a more routine way of life. After all, the results were what they were, and he couldn't change any of them anymore, so his performance anxiety could take a rest for a few months. If Yuri's irritability was anything to go by, however, the feeling was not universal.

He was saved too much worrying about the cause, however, by the arrival of one Yuri Plisetsky at his bedroom door.

Of course, this meant only having a few seconds of notice in the form of "Oi Katsudon, I'm coming in!" before his door was unceremoniously kicked open. Katsuki Yuuri spent a moment mourning the structural integrity of his door frame as the blond entered, hands stuffed in his pockets and a petulant look upon his face.

"Victor said I should come apologise for earlier. Which I think is a load of crap but I know he'll ask if I did and he'll probably send me back to the fucking temple or something if I don't, so I'm here to apologise, I guess."

It was hard not to smile at that roundabout way of apologising. Not that he was surprised at the reasoning at all: Victor was a taskmaster at times. At least apologising was better than having to lose weight, or at least more quickly and easily solved.

"Ah, it's fine," he said. "I noticed that something's been bothering you lately. Is everything okay?"

Yuri rolled his eyes and let out a quick huff of air. "Of course not everything's okay, idiot. The season is over now, and I've had these stupid leg cramps for the past week, and I hate them and everything they mean."

"You're going through a growth spurt, then?" Was that was this all was about? Was Yuri taller today than he'd been yesterday? Surely there was a bit of difference from the beginning of the season, but having lived and trained close enough to see him almost every day had made the changes harder to tell.

"Probably." The sulk in Yuri's voice was easy enough to guess at, and Yuuri gave a reassuring smile.

"We all went through it. And at least this means you'll be getting the worst of it over the off-season, yeah? So even if you have to relearn a lot, I'm sure you'll be ready for—"

"I don't want to have to relearn everything," Yuri cut in, his voice harsh. "My body shouldn't need to change in the first place."

Yuuri sighed. Apparently this ran deeper than he thought.

"Do you want to sit down, at least? If you want to get stuff of your chest, I…."

Yuuri let his invitation trail off, the need to continue dissolving as Yuri climbed up on top of Yuri's bed, crossing his feet at the ankles and his arms over his chest.

"Look. I know how this conversation's gonna go. You're eventually going to bring up Victor, and how he went from being some sort of woodland creature to a chiseled Adonis. Then you're going to remind me how he was the top of the world as both, and I can be too, right?"

Yuuri fiddled with his glasses. "Well, I mean it's not easy, but—"

"But not all of us want that, okay?"

Yuuri frowned as he tried to figure out what on earth the blond didn't want. "You… don't want to continue skating?"

"Tch. Of course I want to continue skating, dumbass."

"Then what?"

Yuri frowned at this, losing a bit of his bravado as he scanned the room. Victor had insisted on Yuuri putting some of his posters back up (for whose sake, Yuuri was still unsure) and his eyes seemed to land on one in particular, from Victor's junior days.

"I can feel the changes starting. My voice keeps getting lower, and I know my face is going to start to change, become more adult, and my muscles and body will…." he shuddered, his voice low. "Maybe Victor is fine being an Adonis now, but I want to stay a woodland creature."

"Growing up's not that bad…." Yuuri attempted, only to get hit with a pillow for his effort.

"It's not about growing up. I'm fucking going to get old no matter what. I just…… forget it."

The blond started to scramble towards the edge of the bed, but stopped when Yuuri put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, I promise. You just what?"

Something happened in that moment, and Yuuri wasn't quite sure what. Instead of having his hand jerked away, or some sort of yelling remark, Yuri just sank into himself and looked down at his tiger print slippers.

"I… I don't want to be a man, okay? That's… that's all."

Oh. Well, that was news. "You… you want to be a woman, then? I know the IOC is okay with that, though it probably will cost you a season before your testosterone is low enough that—"

Yuri shook his head. "Why the hell would I want to be a woman?"

"Well, if you don't want to be a man…"

"That doesn't only leave one option, dumbass."

"But then what?"

Yuri shrugged. "I… I don't know. I don't really feel like I'm a man or a woman. Not really. But even if I don't know what I am, I don't want to look like Victor. I think about it, I see and feel the changes, and it feels all _wrong_. And if I'm neither and want to do anything about it, I don't know if I'd be allowed to compete on one side or the other, or if blockers with no replacements will take me out. And that's without getting into troubles with just _being_ something like that in Russia….."

"Oh…."

"Oh? I spill my fucking heart to you and all you've got to say is oh?"

"Sorry. It's just a lot to take in. So you're…" He frowned, trying to think back to the self-proclaimed alphabet soup that had been used by his university's gay-straight alliance. "I think they'd call something like that agender, or genderqueer, or… nonbinary, I think? There's probably a few other terms. But somewhere that's not in either man or woman, but elsewhere. And… I don't really know the answers to the rest of them, but we could probably find out. I… I could ask Celestino if you're afraid to go to Yakov."

Yuri turned to look at him at that, and he looked so young and surprised. "You'd do that for me? Really?"

"Of course," Yuuri replied. "It's not a lot of work, just a phone call." And maybe he did hate phone calls, but for Yuri, he'd manage. "One question, though."

"I don't want to wear a dress, idiot."

Yuuri shook his head, flushing. "No, no. Nothing like that. I just… is it okay if I tell Victor."

Yuri put his head in his hands—their hands? Yuuri would have to ask about pronouns next. And maybe get some further lessons on gender at this rate. Still, that reaction could only mean one of two things.

"Uh, does he know already? Or are you afraid that he's going to want to throw some sort of coming out party?"

Yuri sighed. "I… thought he was like me. I went to ask him for tips. Turns out, he actually just liked the aesthetic of his long hair and playing with gender. He's a man, and happy, and I was really embarrassed."

Long hair? Then that would mean… "Weren't you about seven when he went for a new image?"

"He didn't have long hair then. I thought he'd let himself change for skating. Like I'm probably going to have to do. Then he spent this entire last season in Russia being a mother hen anyway, not mentioning my secret once."

Yuuri gave a nervous laugh. "I mean, it was Victor. Maybe he forgot."

"He better not've. It's my life on the line."

"I don't think it's really your life…."

"It is for skating!"

The conversation continued on, drifting back and forth between skating and gender and a few dozen topics relating to each. From the other side of the doorway, Victor listened in with a smile. Would Yuri notice if he started using _they_ unprompted? It was going to be exciting to find out.


End file.
